Heyyy bff you should totally be our secret keeper yeah??
Nah dude. My animagus form, the reflection of my innermost soul, is a dog, the most loyal animal ever. You should probably go with guy who turns into a rat instead, the universal symbol for betrayal.
Ahh yeah dude you're right omg kay cool thanks bro
An atheist liberal pacifist democrat evolutionist muslim feminist socialist gay jew communist catholic unionist abortionist professor (and a member of the ACLU and NAACP) was bitching at a college class and she told the class that she was a strong independent menstruating womyn and she was going to prove that there is no GOD (peace be upon him). She screamed, “GAWD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 human minutes, and I’m glad all those people died on 9/11! Also all men are rapists and I have abortions for fun.”
Ten earthling minutes went by. She kept taunting God (peace be upon him), saying, “Here I am, GAWD, if that is your real name. I’m still waiting. Is my strong, powerful, and financially independent vagina too much for your patriarchy? You stupid man!”
She got down to the last couple of minutes and a brave, patriotic, pro-life marine just returned from the War of Independence and honorably discharged and newly registered in every class backflipped up to the professor, hit her full force in the face with a spinning flying drop kick (with metal as fuck jet-boots on), and sent her flying from her platform through two panes of glass, two twin towers, a pile of cans, a young mother pushing a baby carriage, a nun and a pile of boxes. The professor struggled up, obviously shaken, with three broken legs, two broken arms, a broken jaw, a broken skull, 12 broken ribs, internal bleeding and a missing spine. She bitched, “What’s the matter with you? Why did you do that? Are you afraid of a strong beautiful negro womyn? You stupid Christian, I only worship my vagina!”
That marine replied, “GOD (peace be upon him) was busy watching over MY buddies engaged in combat in the coke wars (Never forget). So… he… sent… ME!”
The professor cried a single tear and said “I was wrong to want equal rights for homosexuals, women and minorities. Barry Hussain Osama is a Muslim socialist atheist and he hates America. I am now pro-life, pro-guns, and pro-capital punishment”. The professor then burnt her copy of Origin of the Species, shaved her legs, put her bra back on, and started to make the marine a sandwich. “If Trayvon Martin didn’t want to die he should not have been wearing a hoodie!”
“Welcome to the Republican Party” Said the Marine.
The students applauded and all registered with the Republican party that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag (where it shed a single tear).
That professor was Richard Elizabeth Dawkins. That college class was The Beatles. That young mother was Sarah Palin. That nun was Michele Bachmann. That eagle was Ron Paul. That marine’s name? Albert Einstein.
I don’t have anything to say. I am crying with laughter.
Hahaha, yes. PS: if your ignorant friends and family members are posting the original version of this with “Albert Einstein said it so it must be true!!!”, NO HE DIDN’T. -Jess
I’m in New York again after a week in the midwest (which had surprising non-shitty weather, actually).
Macalester was fun, and my host student was pretty cool. We spent the night drinking, smoking, and chilling with his friends and a couple of other visiting students, so that was a pretty good time. I can tell that I’d like Mac, but it still kinda seems too awkward for me. Everyone is really inclusive there, but everyone is either a hipster, a douche (or both), or awkward and not social. There’s no real middle ground.
Sooooo, I think I’m gonna go with Northwestern, but I’m still not entirely sure.